Okay, first things first. You can’t make someone date you. If someone wants to be with you, they will, if they don’t want to be with you, you just have to lump it and move on.
That said, plenty of people have worked their way out of the “friend zone” and ended up dating a person who originally had no interest in them.
Before we get to the tips, there are two important disclaimers.
First, you have to be realistic.
These tips are good, but they are never going to get you a date with Bella Hadid, no matter how much you would like to take her out for dinner.
Second, you have to be willing to take no for an answer.
If someone tells you in no uncertain terms that they aren’t interested, don’t keep pursuing them in the hopes that they will magically change their mind.
These tips are designed for someone you know and would genuinely be compatible with.
If you have a close friend or work colleague you really like, or a barista you engage in flirty banter with every morning, you can use this advice to get closer to them over time.
13 Best Tips to Convince Someone to Date You
- Gain their trust
- Be a good friend
- Listen to their problems
- Help them out when they’re in a pinch
- Don’t be afraid to banter with them
- Don’t make yourself too available
- Take an interest in their interests
- Give them a glimpse of what it would be like to date you
- Be kind
- Don’t make a move too soon
- Assess whether there is mutual physical attraction
- Express your interest sincerely
- Finally, ask them out and hope for the best
Many a happy couple’s love story started with one person having a crush long before the other even noticed them.
Sometimes you see something in someone and just know that the two of you would be really happy together.
However, if your crush doesn’t seem to feel the same, you find yourself in a tricky position.
You can either decide to move on, or you can see whether you might be able to win them over in the long run.
If you feel like the person you have in mind is just too good to give up on, here are a few tips for how you might win someone over and get them to date you.
1. Gain their trust
The fact that you like someone doesn’t mean you can’t also be their friend.
Let’s illustrate this using an example.
Let’s say you have a crush on Sophie, the receptionist in your office, but she doesn’t appear to feel the same way about you.
Instead of worrying about this, focus on developing good rapport with her and establishing a good relationship as acquaintances.
Show yourself to be reliable, constant, good-humored, and helpful. Do what you say you will, show up when you say you’ll show up, pick up your mail on time, and always use the recycling bin.
Allowing her to see you doing your job well and being a responsible presence will make her begin to respect you.
Once she knows you’re a steady, good person, she’ll trust you and feel like she can open up if she needs to.
If you’re already friends with the person you want to win over, you have a head start. Just keep going down the list of tips to know what to do next.
2. Be a good friend
Once you have established a good relationship, you can begin to progress what you have toward friendship. Prove that you are not the kind of person who would ghost a friend and that you can be trusted to be loyal.
Of course, it the person you like shows no interest in hanging out or talking, leave them alone.
To bring it back to the Sophie example, let’s say you now have good banter and sometimes hang out in the workplace cafeteria. Once you feel you know each other well enough, you can begin to ask a few more personal questions about her life.
Ask her whether she has siblings. Ask her how she’s finding the job. Ask her what her interests and hobbies outside of work are.
You can adapt these questions to the specific situation you find yourself in, but these are types of questions you can start to ask.
Again, if you’re already friends, just remain a constant friend to the person you like. Most romantic relationships start as friendships, and being good friends is essential for a long-term relationship to work.
3. Listen to their problems
This tip goes hand-in-hand with being a good friend. But it goes even deeper.
Being the person your crush starts to go to when there is something bothering them will make them come to rely on you.
If they know you are interested in hearing what is bothering them and they trust your judgment and opinion, they will start to miss you when something goes wrong and they need advice.
Let’s go back to Sophie. If she’s been upset by a rude client, listen to her story and console her by offering sound advice.
Prove to her that you are the kind of person who would know what to say over text when your girlfriend is sad.
4. Help them out when they’re in a pinch
Once you’ve listened to your crush’s problems, consider whether there is anything you can do to make their life easier.
If they need a favor and it won’t put you out too much, why not offer to do it? Again, this will help them come to rely on you. They will appreciate all the effort you are putting in to make their life easier.
Hopefully, they will begin to reciprocate by doing things for you too. If they don’t, and you start to feel used, abandon this strategy and consider whether you really want to be with someone who is happy to accept help without giving it in return.
5. Don’t be afraid to banter them
While it is all very well to be a good, reliable friend, the way to establish yourself as more than a friend is to make sure your relationship includes a bit of messing around.
Making teasing, playful jokes about your crush is a good way to begin moving your relationship out of the friendship zone and into the flirting one.
We begin to see others differently once they start to use a lighthearted, jokey tone to talk to us.
Don’t be afraid to call them out either when they are being inconsistent or are making their own life harder.
You want to show up as a loyal, reliable person, who isn’t afraid to give them an honest opinion.
6. Don’t make yourself too available
Being helpful is a great trait in a boyfriend or girlfriend. However, if you go too far, the person you like might start to take your presence for granted.
Once your crush has come to rely on you and appreciate your company, make sure you aren’t disrupting your own life to help them.
If you’re busy, tell them. If you are unavailable sometimes, it will probably pique their interest even more.
We all want what we can’t have, and if you are firm in your commitments to the things that matter to you, your crush will respect your independent mindedness.
Especially if you actually are busy most of the time, give them a glimpse of what it would be like to date someone who is always busy.
7. Take an interest in their interests
Just because a friend or acquaintance you have a crush on is particularly interested in a sport or tv show, doesn’t mean you have to become its number one superfan overnight.
However, showing a willingness to participate in the things that are important to your crush could go a long way toward helping them picture what it might be like to date you.
8. Give them a glimpse of what it would be like to date you
To continue on that theme, showing someone what their life would look like if they dated you can help convince them to say yes when you ask them to out.
Let’s revisit the Sophie example.
If you’re going to your beach house in Cape Cod over the weekend, come into work in your shades and with your bag packed.
When Sophie asks you where you’re headed, tell her about your exciting plans. She might just begin to picture herself riding shotgun.
If your crush is in a pinch and needs to be picked up at the bus station on a cold evening, pick them up in your car with a hot chocolate to boot.
Performing these little acts of care and kindness will show them just how good they would have it if they dated you.
And, incidentally, bringing along a hot chocolate will almost always make a guy say he appreciates you.
9. Be kind
Always, always, always be kind. And not just to your crush, but to everyone around you.
There is not greater turn on than someone who goes out of their way to be nice to other people and to help them out when they’re in need.
On the flipside, there is literally no bigger turn off than someone who is rude to waiters.
10. Don’t make a move too soon
Okay, so now that you’ve been taking steps to establish yourself as a reliable, funny, trustworthy presence in your crush’s life, you need to allow the key ingredient of this recipe to work its magic.
And that, my friends, is time.
Think about a pasta sauce. You can’t chuck the garlic and chili in the heating oil and immediately dump your chopped tomatoes on top. You have to let the oil infuse and the garlic sauté.
Similarly, after you have stirred the tomatoes into the perfectly browned garlic, you have to wait for the sauce to simmer.
You must let things develop naturally if you want a genuine connection to spark. Don’t rush your move if you want these tips to work.
11. Assess whether there is mutual physical attraction
Okay, this is a hard one. Before you make a move, you need to assess whether there is really a physical connection on both sides.
How can you tell whether your crush is physically attracted to you?
Well, do they make physical contact? For example, do they make excuses to touch your back or arm or shoulder?
Do they laugh at your jokes?
What is their body language like? Do they stand close to you, or do they always keep a healthy distance?
All of these questions will help you assess whether your crush does in fact want to date you.
12. Express your interest sincerely
If you think you know that your crush is now returning your interest, tell them how you feel.
You don’t have to go all out and say “I love you” for the first time.
Instead, just say something like, “I think you’re great. You’re really smart, put together, and you treat everyone with compassion.
And it doesn’t hurt that you’re super cute. I think I probably have a bit of a crush on you.”
13. Finally, ask them out and hope for the best
Once you’ve expressed your interest, ask them out. Follow up what you’ve said with, “So, I wanted to ask you, would you like to grab a drink with me sometime?”
If you want to do something more creative, go ahead.
If you’re trying out these tips, then best of luck! The worst that can happen is that your crush says no.
And considering all the effort you’re putting in, you will find someone who appreciates what a kind, caring person you are––whether that is this crush or the next one.