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18 Best Tips for Dating Married Women

18 Best Tips for Dating Married Women

Whatever your reasons for wanting to meet and date a married woman, you have to tread with caution. 

You might have accidentally fallen for a female colleague at work only to realize that she is married.

Now, you find yourself having to navigate the feelings you’ve developed for her. 

Or, you might be wondering how to date married women because you are into ethical non-monogamy, which means having intimate relations that are distinguished from infidelity because everyone involved has given their consent.

If so, you are probably wondering how to pursue married women who are in open relationships

Or, you might just have a thing about doing things that are off limits. Which…Hey, look, to each their own. But if you are going to knowingly pursue people in monogamous marriages, be mindful of all the things that can go wrong and proceed with care. 

Whatever your situation, here are a few tips for dating married women. 


18 tips for dating married women 

  1. Don’t get involved in the rest of her life
  2. Be transparent about what you want
  3. Don’t hide the fact that you have feelings
  4. Don’t forget that she has a spouse
  5. Don’t try to meet her kids
  6. Evaluate the ethics 
  7. Establish ground rules 
  8. Get rid of “the receipts”
  9. Don’t expect her to leave her spouse for you
  10. Be safe and practice good sexual health 
  11. Be ready to go your separate ways at any time
  12. Always be clear about your own romantic situation 
  13. Respect her boundaries 
  14. Don’t move too fast 
  15. Refrain from PDA at all costs
  16. Let her make the first move
  17. Be discrete
  18. Know that you can always end things 


Dating a married woman isn’t easy. Her spouse—and her children if she has any—will always be her priority. So, before you move any further, ask yourself whether you are okay with always coming second. 

And don’t be surprised or resentful when you are—there are plenty of single people out there, and you have put yourself in this position. 

If you know what you’re signing up for, and it still seems worth it to you to continue, then these tips will help you manage what will inevitably be a complicated romantic situation. 


How to date married women when you fall in love by accident 

There is no reasoning with love. If you meet a woman, start to fall in love with her, and then learn that she’s married, you may struggle to talk yourself out of pursuing her. 

Maybe you even resolved once or twice to leave well enough alone, couldn’t get another date worth keeping, and then found you couldn’t stay away from her. 

Well, look, it isn’t an ideal situation. There are obviously a lot of things that could go wrong when you get involved with a married woman. But if you have already fallen too far to reason yourself out of trying to be with her, you should follow these tips to make the best of a tricky situation. 


1. Don’t get involved in the rest of her life

This tip is essential. 

It can be tempting to want to know everything there is to know about the woman you’re dating. However, to keep things as uncomplicated as possible, stay away from a married woman’s life. 

Don’t go to her house. Don’t visit her place of work. Don’t try to meet her friends and family. And whatever you do, don’t befriend her spouse. 

If you’re dating a woman who is in a committed, monogamous marriage, you are breaking all kinds of social norms and accepted codes of conduct. 

The more people in her life you meet, the greater the danger that someone will discover what is going on between you two, and the more betrayed those people will feel if they do learn the truth.  

So, allow her to have her own life and friends, and don’t try to integrate yourself into it. 


2. Be transparent about what you want

If you’re dating a married woman, you are both already putting a lot on the line. The fallout if things go wrong could be detrimental for both of you. 

The best thing you can do to avoid having misunderstandings develop is to be as clear as possible about what you hope to get from the relationship. 

Do you want her to leave her husband or wife for you? Do you want to keep things incredibly casual, with absolutely no strings attached?  Are you looking for an ethically non-monogamous set-up and want her to ask her spouse for their consent to date you?

Whatever you want, make sure you tell her. This can help avoid friction that might arise later if you haven’t expressed what it is you hope to get out of this situation.   


3. Don’t hide the fact that you have feelings for her

By a similar token, if you are developing feelings for the married woman you are seeing, don’t keep this information to yourself. 

How she behaves might be different depending on what you’re feeling. If she thinks you’re just in it for casual hook-ups, she may be happy to stay with you while also maintaining her marriage. 

If, however, she knows you have real feelings for her, she may either want to end it to avoid hurting you, or she may be ready to give your relationship more serious consideration and might ultimately end up leaving her spouse. 


4. Don’t forget that she has a spouse

One big part of most relationships is the expectation that you are going to be the person you’re dating’s person. That is, that you will be their number one priority. 

Basically, under normal circumstances, saying yes when someone asks you out and committing to being with them means agreeing to drop everything for each other when necessary. 

However, if you get involved with a married woman, it would be unfair to have this expectation. She already has a person who, at least on the face of it, is her number one priority. 

She has already gone through all the early stages of a relationship, decided on how long to date before marriage, and then committed herself to spending the rest of her life with someone else. 

That is not a small thing to promise, it is a monumental gesture of devotion. And whatever she feels right now, she once felt strongly enough about her spouse to stand up in front of a room of people and publicly promise to spend all her remaining days with them. 

That promise dies hard. Part of dating someone who is married is accepting that you will not be their priority, and knowing when you aren’t, that you have put yourself in that position. 

If you want to be with someone who can commit to putting you first, don’t pursue someone who is already married. 


5. Don’t try to meet her kids

If the married woman you’re dating has kids, do not meet them.

It would be highly unfair to establish a relationship with the children of the married person you’re dating. 

If they were to eventually find out what the true nature of your relationship to their mother is, they would feel highly betrayed, especially if they feel like they have a personal relationship with you themselves. 

Regardless of whether their parents are compatible or not, children will naturally be defensive of their parent’s love and their parent’s relationship.

The impact of divorce on children can be significant, and affairs statistically make divorce more likely. 

Basically, what you are doing is harming her kids. The best thing you can do is steer clear of meeting them. If you already know them and have a relationship with them, try to avoid becoming closer to them.


6. Evaluate the ethics 

Look, there’s no easy way to say this, so here is some tough love: You have to make sure you are ethically okay with what you’re doing. If you feel racked with guilt about the affair you’re having, it will eat you up inside and ruin your relationship anyway. 

Plus, you’ll end this episode of your life feeling badly about what you’ve done, and shame is a hard thing to live with.  

If you know what you’re doing isn’t strictly correct according to societal norms, but still free like it is ethically justifiable, then it makes sense to continue seeing a married person. 

For example, if the married woman you’re dating has no children and is with a man who treats her terribly, you might feel that there is ultimately nothing wrong with what you’re doing. 

If, on the other hand, the woman your secretly seeing has a wonderful husband who you know, and the two of them have two young children, you may need to re-think your actions.

At the end of the day, it isn’t really your responsibility to think about her spouse and family. That’s her job.

But these are your decisions too, and you will have to live with the consequences. So, make sure you’ll be able to, and if you don’t think you will, then you should end things. 


7. Establish ground rules 

If you have decided that you are going to continue seeing the married woman you’re with, then establish rules now to avoid miscommunications in the future. 

Decide on ways and times to communicate. It might not be advisable for you to text her in the evenings, for example, because her husband might be around and happen to glance down at her phone screen. 

Or she might know people in certain areas of the city, or who work in particular hotels or restaurants, whom it would be best to avoid. 

You might also decide not to buy each other gifts, for example, so that her spouse doesn’t see a new necklace around or notice unusual charges to their joint checking account. 

Getting all these things out on the table in advance will ensure you both understand the terms of what you’re doing, and that you are both on the same page about how to proceed. 


8. Get rid of “the receipts”

In these modern times, almost everything leaves a trail and can be tracked. 

Charges to debit or credit cards, location tags, phone call logs––all these things are easily digitally available if you know where to look. 

And, unfortunately, the woman you are seeing’s spouse probably does know where to look. If they become suspicious, they might well go have a digital dig around her accounts and phone records and text messages. 

This is all to say, if you’re going to have an affair, be careful to cover your tracks. 


9. Don’t expect her to leave her spouse for you 

This is one of the oldest rules in the book, but it is no less true today than it was a hundred years ago. 

People often begin affairs with some vague hope that they will end up saying “I love you so much” to the person they’re seeing and then end up being together.

In most cases, that doesn’t happen. 

However passionately you think you love the person you’re seeing, statistics show that the chances are that things won’t work out for you two in the long run. 

A married woman already has an established, stable life with her long-term partner and spouse, and when push comes to shove, it will take a lot for her to give that up. 

Be realistic about what you have and don’t fall into the trap of thinking that your relationship is special and unique, and that this affair will end with you two running away into the sunset. 


How to date married women who are ethically non-monogamous

Now, if you are dating a woman who is an ethically non-monogamous marriage, you don’t have to worry about having feelings of shame or guilt. 

Ethically non-monogamous women are free to date people outside of the confines of their marriage if they have their spouse’s consent and abide by the agreed-upon ground rules. 

While that sounds straightforward on the face of it, dating someone who has a spouse can be tricky even if it ethically unproblematic.

For one thing, dating an ethically non-monogamous woman is like dating a girl who is always busy on steroids. 

You’ll be coming into a life that is already filled up by her professional commitments, social life, and full-blown marital relationship. 

So here are a few tips to help you navigate dating a married woman in an open marriage.


10. Be safe and practice good sexual health 

Part of ethical non-monogamy is open communication about physical intimacy. 

Make sure you are getting tested for STIs regularly and discuss what method of contraception you want to use to avoid an unwanted pregnancy. 


11. Be ready to go your separate ways at any time

Most open relationships don’t allow for the establishment of emotional, romantic connections with third parties. 

This means that the married woman you are dating likely has her spouse’s consent to get a date on Tinder, meet up with them, and even have sex with them, but not to continue seeing them long-term. 

If she says no to a second date, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she doesn’t like you.

It just means she’s already romantically committed and that one of the terms of that commitment is being emotionally faithful to her spouse. 

If you are going to date an ethically monogamous woman, be ready for your interactions to end at any time.

She can’t promise you any more than a short-term, physical relationship. 


12. Always be clear about your own romantic situation 

If the woman you’re dating is telling you straight out that she is married, but that her relationship with her spouse is open and that she would like to continue seeing you on a physical level, it is only fair that you be honest about your situation in return. 

If you are in a relationship but pretend you aren’t, you are potentially forcing her to violate the terms of her own marriage conditions, which puts her in an unfair situation. 

Afford people in open relationships the same level of respect and honesty you would a single person. Don’t think that the fact that they are with someone means it is okay for you not to tell them that you are. 


13. Respect her boundaries 

Non-monogamous marriages usually function according to a series of pre-determined rules. 

These usually relate to informing one’s spouse about one’s plans to be with someone else, the number of times one is allowed to meet the same person, and the people one is and isn’t allowed to be with (exes are usually off limits!). 

Even if you feel restricted by the terms of someone else’s open marriage, you still have to respect the boundaries the woman you’re seeing lays down. 

If you want to be with someone whose time has fewer limits on it, then you should consider pursuing a single person. 

How to meet and date married women  

We’re all different, and we all look for different things in our intimate and romantic partners. 

If you are attracted to emotional unavailability, you may find yourself seeking out married women to date. 

Before this article proceeds with advice for how to go about this, it should be noted that this kind of behavior can end up being harmful to yourself and others. Think carefully before you enter into an affair with a married woman. 

That said, if you are going to go down this path, follow these rules to make the best of a complicated situation. 


14. Don’t move too fast 

Don’t jump into being the accessory to an extra-marital affair without giving it serious consideration first. 

You’ll be getting highly involved in the life not only of the woman your dating, but also of her husband or wife. 

While you may still decide to pursue the married woman you’re interested in, you shouldn’t rush anything.

Things—including your feelings—will become clearer over time, and if it turns out that you aren’t that into her, or that her husband is a huge, scary meathead, you’ll surely be glad you refrained from jumping the gun. 


15. Refrain from PDA at all costs

One of the perks of a relationship that people having illicit affairs must forego is the casual bit of PDA couples can engage in here and there. 

Whether it is an affectionate pinch of the cheek, a quick peck on the forehead, or keeping a hand on one’s partner’s leg under the table, if you are with someone you shouldn’t really be with, you can’t be seen doing any of these things. 

If you were to be seen by the wrong person, your tiny gesture of brushing your fingertips across someone’s thigh could have devastating consequences. 


16. Let her make the first move

If you are single and are dating a married woman, you can create a situation in which you are making your interest in her clear, but you should still leave the first move to her. 

She will be violating a sacred oath by engaging in any kind of romantic relationship, so you can’t force her across the line. The first real move—whether that is a kiss, suggesting meeting for a date, or saying “I love you” for the first timehas to come from her. 

Only then can you be sure that she wanted to break her vows. 


17. Be discrete

Don’t tell anyone that you are seeing a married woman. The fewer people have information about what the woman you’re with is doing, the less likely it is that the news will spread. 

If you can, try to keep the relationship you’re having—whatever form that is taking—strictly between yourself and the woman you’re with. 

Then, if things end, there need never be any consequences. If, on the other hand, you tell people you are seeing someone but that you can’t tell them who, they may begin digging.  


18. Know that you can always end things

Like any situationship or relationship you enter into, you can always end your affair with a married woman. 

If things become too complicated or toxic, or if you start to feel guilty about what you’re doing, you can always pull the plug.