Now, there is no actual dividing line between intelligent and unintelligent women, and there are also many ways a person could be intelligent.
That said, when someone tells us to picture a smart girl, we all know the kind of person we’re thinking of: She’s discerning, curious, intellectual, and analytical.
She takes a sincere interest in the world around her, is knowledgeable, and always has an interesting take on what she observes. She can keep up with witty banter and give as good as she gets. She’s usually highly competent and independent-minded.
While this can be intimidating, the fact that a girl doesn’t need to rely on anyone can make it all the more rewarding when she starts to trust and care for you.
13 tips for dating a smart girl
- Go to interesting events
- Plan worthwhile dates
- Don’t always feel like you need to win the argument
- Listen to her when she speaks
- Engage in witty banter
- Don’t make big generalizations
- Read the news and be politically aware
- Take an interest in the things she cares about
- Don’t be intimidated by her intellect
- Have confidence in your own intelligence
- Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not
- Give her well-thought-out, personalized gifts
- Compliment the way she thinks
Dating a smart girl means dating someone who is reflective and has a mind of her own. She is less likely to conform to your way of doing things or to settle for a situation that isn’t making her happy.
That can be a bit intimidating. But don’t let it stop you from being yourself—you don’t have to have all the same interests or opinions to be happy with someone.
Ultimately, if it’s meant to be, it will be. But it doesn’t hurt to keep the following general pieces of advice in mind when you begin dating a smart girl. They may just help you get the ball rolling in the right direction.
1. Go to interesting events
While your last girlfriend may have been happy sitting on the couch watching The Bachelor, chances are the new smart girl in your life won’t be fulfilled by watching mindless TV at home.
Instead, she’ll want to get out to stimulating cultural events.
If you’re looking for something to do on a Friday evening or weekend day, check out the film listings at your local independent cinema or see what exhibitions are showing at the art galleries near you.
You might also check whether there are any readings being given in bookstores in your city, or whether there are any poetry or story slams on.
Or, if the girl you’re dating is more science-y than art-y, check out whether there are any interesting guest lectures on subjects she cares about at local universities.
Whatever the girl you’re dating’s specific interests are—no matter how niche—see if you can find interesting events related to them.
She will surely appreciate not only the event itself, but also the effort you invested in finding something you thought she would especially like.
2. Plan worthwhile dates
The same goes for dates. Many girls measure romance by the number of roses on the table, or by how fancy the restaurant you go to is.
Smart girls are much more likely to value the thought that has gone into planning a date and the personalized nature of what you’re doing than the amount of money being dropped on the evening.
So, if you want to ask her to go to dinner with you on a Saturday, don’t just do what you normally would and book an objectively fancy restaurant. Instead, reflect on conversations you’ve had about what she likes.
Think about the inside jokes you’ve shared. Is there something you’ve spoken about that could be factored into a date?
For example, if you two both really love donuts, and have frequently joked about plans to make a definitive list of the best donut places in the city, ask her if she wants to go out with you on Friday to do some donut sampling.
Make little rating cards––one for each vendor––with spaces to rank the different elements of the different donuts out of ten.
Of course, this is just an example, and there are myriad other things you could do to plan a unique date, but doing something cute, creative, and thoughtful like this is way to win over a smart girl.
3. Don’t always feel like you need to win the argument
Once you have realized that the girl you’re dating is a seriously clever cookie, you may feel like you need to prove your own intelligence by winning against her in arguments.
Perhaps you feel like she won’t respect you unless you can show that you are just as capable as she is of reasoned debate.
Or maybe it’s not at all calculated, but you still find yourself trying extra hard to convince her that you are right all the time.
Either way, you don’t have to “defeat her” in every argument. Engaging in respectful, open-minded debate is an important part of dating.
Establishing that you can disagree about an issue without allowing it to change the way you speak to each other is vital to the development of a healthy partnership.
4. Listen to her when she speaks
Nothing annoys a smart girl more when she is pouring her heart out to a date and realizes that they aren’t even listening.
If she is talking through her day, or telling you about something she’s read recently, don’t be scrolling through your phone giving her 20 percent of your attention. Also, don’t interrupt her. Value her words because they have likely been very well thought through.
Furthermore, the fact that she is sharing her thoughts with you now is her demonstrating a willingness to be vulnerable with you. Don’t take that for granted.
Smart girls can retract that vulnerability immediately if they don’t feel like they are being treated with the respect they deserve.
Conversation is extremely important to smart girls, so knowing that you are just as engaged in what is happening as they are is crucial for establishing a genuine romantic connection.
In fact, for a smart girl, dating, relationship, and sexual boundaries are probably all intimately related to conversational and intellectual connection. Just keep that in mind next time you feel tempted to pull out your phone mid-conversation.
5. Engage in witty banter
While some girls have a type that has much more to do with physical appearance—after all, how many girls have told you their type is “tall, dark, and handsome”—most smart girls will tell you that their type is someone who can keep up a good conversation.
If they are intellectually stimulated, they are far more likely to be attracted to the person across from them.
A crucial part of intellectual stimulation is having an intelligent sense of humor. So, don’t be afraid to poke clever fun at the smart girl you’re dating.
She’ll probably shoot right back with something just as good.
If you’re wondering how to tell if a date went well with a smart girl, if there was plenty of back-and-forth banter and you kept up a stimulating conversation, then the answer is definitely yes.
6. Don’t make huge generalizations
Smart girls are very discerning. They are open-minded and appreciate the nuance and complexity of situations.
Making generalizations about a large group of people, whether it be people of a certain gender, nationality, or from a particular local area, will not go down well.
Keep your sweeping opinions in check, and don’t group vast swaths of people together under the single umbrella of one defining characteristic.
Doing so will likely be a huge turn off to a smart girl, who will probably feel disappointed that you have such a simplistic view of the issue at hand.
7. Read the news and be politically aware
Keeping up to date with current affairs is crucial if you are dating a smart girl. She will want to be with someone who is clued in to global politics, so make it a daily habit to scan through at least one reputable newspaper.
You should also be politically aware. For example, steer clear of calling her “honey,” right off the bat.
While she may well come to like being called honey by you or having you use another term of endearment, she will only enjoy it once she knows where you’re coming from and trusts you.
Plenty of chauvinistic men have likely tried to call her “baby” or “tootsie,” and smart girls tend to have a feminist perspective on objectification.
Once she knows that you mean it in a caring way, she’ll be happy to be called a sweet name, but make sure you wait long enough and don’t assume an inappropriate level of closeness too soon.
8. Take an interest in the things she cares about
Smart girls tend to be very engaged with what is going on around them, and as a result you will find yourself dating a girl who is always busy.
To become included in some of her plans, why not see whether any of the things she spends her time doing are things you would also enjoy.
If she volunteers at the local independent film festival, why not go along and show an interest in her work by watching some of the movies on show.
Or, if she likes to go to weekly trash pick-ups on Saturdays as part of a town-wide sustainability movement, why not join her once to see whether it’s your thing.
You don’t have to adopt her life or lose your sense of identity but showing her that you think the things she does are interesting will go a long way toward showing her that you find her mind fascinating and want to know more about how she thinks and why.
9. Don’t be intimidated by her intellect
Dating someone whip-smart can be scary. You may worry that they are judging what you say or are evaluating how you say it.
You need to put this out of your mind if you are going to establish a successful relationship moving forward.
Trust that the girl you are dating likes you for you, just the way you are. Stop being too critical of yourself and stop assuming she is being critical of you.
In all likelihood, she is doing no such thing and you are completely overthinking things.
10. Have confidence in your own intelligence
You have to be confident in your own abilities and smarts if you want to date a smart girl.
This doesn’t mean that you have to walk around full of bravado. It just means that you have to have quiet trust in yourself and believe that you have something valuable to offer.
The true sign that a smart girl likes you is if she calls you when she is upset to ask your advice on something.
This demonstrates that she values your judgment and opinion, and that she sees you as someone who can help her out during difficult times.
However, she is less likely to value your opinion if it seems like you don’t even value it yourself.
Basically, back yourself! You’re great, and the girl you’re dating wouldn’t be wasting her time with you if you weren’t.
11. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not
Losing ourselves in a relationship happens to the best of us. We meet someone, become completely enamored with them, identify what it is we think they’re looking for, and then mold ourselves into exactly that.
Just because the girl you’re dating is a total dork for 18th-century English literature, doesn’t mean you have to feign an obsession with it.
If Sci-Fi is more your thing, proudly stand by your favorite genre and advocate for it.
She’ll respect you much more for proudly standing by the things you genuinely like than she would if you totally changed your preferences to match hers.
12. Give her well-thought-out, personal gifts
Gift-giving is not the most important part of a relationship, but if you plan to be with someone during all four seasons of the year, you will likely want to give them winter holiday, birthday, and anniversary gifts, at the very least.
Instead of just doing the boring and expected thing and dropping a bunch of money on jewelry, why not give her something more personal that references something specific to your relationship.
13. Compliment the way she thinks
Instead of just giving a smart girl compliments about her physical appearance—though she will surely appreciate those too—be the guy who says he appreciates her for her intellect.
If you’re struck by the depth of a certain thought she’s had, or if you really like the way she expressed something, let her know.
This will surely make her feel that you see what is special about her and that you really value her for the person that she is, instead of just liking how she looks.
Hey, it’s me, Steven. Dating and relationships have always fascinated me. On Dategosu, you will find my best tips to make sure your next date is a great success!