You are probably familiar with the feeling of having agreed to something that you don’t really want to do.
You feel lingering regret over having said yes, but you know you will feel guilty if you don’t keep your word.
Having agreed to a date that you don’t really want to go on is one of the worst situations to feel this kind of regret in.
While other commitments, such as helping a friend move or babysitting your niece, only require your time, a date is a much more involving thing to agree to.
Going on a date requires you to be vulnerable and emotionally invested.
This can be very hard if you either aren’t interested in the person you’ve agreed to meet or if you are feeling too tired to put in the effort.
Here are a variety of things to say to cancel a date that you don’t want to—or cannot—go on.
19 smart ways to cancel a date
- Hey! I’m sorry, something’s come up and I won’t be able to make it tonight. I was really looking forward to going for dinner with you though––could we reschedule?
- Hi there! Unfortunately, I’ve just been told that I have to stay at work late tonight, so I have to cancel our plans this evening. Would you be free to go out sometime this weekend instead?
- Hey, one of my friends is having a tough time and I think I need to stay in with them tonight. I’m disappointed because I was looking forward to going for drinks with you. Would you be able to do it another time?
- I’m really sorry, but I have to pull out of our plans for Friday evening. Could you do Saturday instead?
- Hey, I don’t think we’re on the same page about hanging out tomorrow. I only see you as a friend and I didn’t realize you thought it was a date. I think it’s probably best if we cancel.
- Hi, I’ve been having second thoughts about our date on Thursday. To be honest, I don’t think we’re compatible and I don’t want to waste your time, so I’d like to cancel.
- Hey, I don’t think I want to go on a date after all. I’m sorry if you feel like I have wasted your time, but I have to be honest about how I’m feeling.
- Hey, I’ve been feeling really low recently, so I don’t think I would be great company right now. Can I give you a call when I’m feeling better again?
- Hey, I’m not doing so well right now, so I think I should probably cancel our date. Can we reschedule for some time next week? I really want to get to know you better, I just want to make sure I’m in the right headspace to do it.
- I’m sorry, I’m just not in the right state of mind to date right now, so I’m going to cancel our plans for Saturday.
- Hi! I’m genuinely so sorry to do this, but I can’t make dinner tonight. Something urgent has come up. Please don’t hate me for cancelling so last minute ☹
- I’m so embarrassed, but I completely forgot about our date in an hour. I’m at home in sweats and there’s no way I’ll be ready in time. Can we rain check for some other time?
- I’m stuck in gridlocked traffic a few hours away, so I don’t think I’ll be back in time for our date. Can we reschedule and do it another time?
- I hope you don’t think I’m rude, but I have to cancel our date later. Something has come up that I can’t get out of. I know it’s terrible to cancel so last minute, but I promise I’ll make it up to you!
- Hi there, I’m sorry to do this over text, but I’m at work so I can’t really call. Do you mind if we rain check our plans tonight? I have a really bad headache.
- Hey, just sending you a quick message to ask whether you would be upset if we rescheduled our date for another night?
- Hi! Just popping into your inbox to say that I’m so sorry, but I have to cancel our date. I’m going to have to fly home to see a sick relative. I’ll give you a call when I’m at the airport.
- Hey, I really appreciate you asking me out, and even though I would be interested to see where things go, I don’t think it’s worth ruining our friendship. I think it’s best if we cancel our date.
- Hey, I think it’s probably best if we stick to being friends. I know I agreed to go out with you, but I think it’s in both of our best interests to cancel.
How to cancel a date if you want to reschedule
Cancelling a date because you can’t make it is a very different thing than cancelling a date because you are no longer interested in the person you’ve agreed to meet.
If are genuinely sad that you won’t be able to make it, ask about rescheduling the date so that the person you were supposed to hang out with knows that you aren’t just using an excuse to get out of seeing them.
If the reason you have to cancel isn’t too personal, let them know why you won’t be able to keep your date. Knowing why you can’t make it will make it easier for them to accept being let down.
Here are several possible ways to cancel a date.
1. Hey! I’m sorry, something’s come up and I won’t be able to make it tonight. I was really looking forward to going for dinner with you though––could we reschedule?
If you have to cancel a date, tell the person you were supposed to meet up with that you were really looking forward to getting together.
This will reassure them that you are still interested in getting to know them.
Then, to avoid wasting time, ask them whether they would be up for rescheduling your plans.
2. Hi there! Unfortunately, I’ve just been told that I have to stay at work late tonight, so I have to cancel our plans this evening. Would you be free to go out sometime this weekend instead?
If there is a specific reason why you have to cancel your date, let the person you planned to meet know what it is.
For example, if your boss lets you know on the morning of the day you’re supposed to be going out with someone that you need to stay late, tell your date this.
Telling someone why you can’t make it lets them rest assured that it isn’t because you don’t like them anymore.
Anyway, the person you’re seeing will just have to get used to what it’s like to date a girl (or guy) who is always busy.
3. Hey, one of my friends is having a tough time and I think I need to stay in with them tonight. I’m disappointed because I was looking forward to going for drinks with you. Would you be able to do it another time?
Telling someone the real reason you can’t make a date can give them a glimpse into what your life is like, which can bring you closer together.
If you can’t make a date because you’re helping a friend, let the person you were supposed meet know this. If you can’t make a date because you have to babysit for your brother’s children at the last minute, don’t feel like you can’t share this.
If you are honest about what you’re going to be doing instead, your date will feel like you are being candid with them about what the reality of your life is like.
They will learn things about you from hearing about your day-to-day life. And it’s completely possible that those things will make them feel closer to you, which can improve the quality of your conversation when you do manage to meet up.
4. I’m really sorry, but I have to pull out of our plans for Friday evening. Could you do Saturday instead?
Having said all that, you also don’t have to share the details of your life with a date if you don’t want to.
It may be more appropriate to give your honest reason for cancelling if the person you’ve arranged to meet is someone you know in person.
If you started talking to someone after responding to a pick-up line on Tinder and now plan to meet them for a first date, you can cancel without giving them the real reason as to why you can’t make it. After all, that reason may be personal, and you don’t actually know them yet.
Instead of telling them exactly why you can’t make it, make it clear that your reason for cancelling is not based on a lack of interest in getting to know them by suggesting an alternative day to get together.
How to cancel a date if you aren’t interested
Now, if you said yes when someone asked you out and have been regretting it ever since, you should cancel the date by letting the person you agreed to see down kindly.
You would not be doing them any favors going on a date with them if you already know that you aren’t interested.
So, be as clear as you can while still keeping their feelings in mind.
Here are a few options for how to cancel a date when you aren’t interested.
5. Hey, I don’t think we’re on the same page about hanging out tomorrow. I only see you as a friend and I didn’t realize you thought it was a date. I think it’s probably best if we cancel.
If you thought you agreed to hang out as friends and you suddenly realize that the person you’re going to meet thinks you’re going on a date, the best thing to do is cancel.
If you go, you’ll only be leading them on.
This way of cancelling a date with a friend you aren’t interested in is honest and compassionate.
6. Hi, I’ve been having second thoughts about our date on Thursday. To be honest, I don’t think we’re compatible and I don’t want to waste your time, so I’d like to cancel.
If you’ve been getting cold feet about a date you agreed to because you know that you don’t see any romantic future with the person you’re meeting, it’s best to tell them that you are cancelling because you don’t want to waste their time.
This shows them that you are not cancelling the date to be selfish, but rather because it is in both of your best interests.
7. Hey, I don’t think I want to go on a date after all. I’m sorry if I have wasted your time, but I have to be honest about how I’m feeling.
It’s completely fine to change your mind about going on a date, even if you’ve already agreed to it.
Dating is such a personal thing, and it requires so much emotional vulnerability and investment. There is no point going on a date if you don’t think you’ll be able to commit to it fully.
This cancellation message kindly apologizes in case the person you were meant to meet feels that you have wasted their time or led them on. However, it still confidently maintains that the best thing to do in this situation is to be honest.
After all, neither of you want to be in a situation a little ways down the line in which you’re responding to “I love you” when you don’t feel the same.
How to cancel a date if you are feeling low
One common reason people cancel dates is because they just aren’t feeling up for it. There is no point in going on a date if all you want to do is sulk.
If you think you can rally, give yourself a pep talk, and get out of your slump, then you should definitely still try to go on your date––who knows, if may give you just lift your mood.
However, if you know that you just can’t muster the energy to be bubbly and chatty and charming, then it is best to cancel.
Here are a few ideas for how to cancel a date if you are feeling down.
8. Hey, I’ve been feeling really low recently, so I don’t think I would be great company right now. Can I give you a call when I’m feeling better again?
If you feel comfortable being honest with your date about where your head is at, then this is a great way to cancel a date.
You can say this in person, in a text, or in a phone call.
Telling someone that you’ll call them when you feel better lets them know that you do want to see them, and you are being genuine when you say you’re cancelling because you don’t feel great.
9. Hey, I’m not doing so well right now, so I think I should probably cancel our date. Can we reschedule for some time next week? I really want to get to know you better, I just want to make sure I’m in the right headspace to do it.
Some people find it easier than others to be honest when they aren’t doing so well.
If you feel comfortable sharing your feelings with the person you were supposed to meet for a date, do!
It is better to be completely up front about what’s actually going on for you so that they understand why you have called off the date.
If you give a vague excuse, they will probably assume that you just aren’t that into them.
This message clearly states that you want to see the person you’re dating and to get to know them better, but that you just need to make sure you’re in the right headspace when you do.
10. I’m sorry, I’m just not in the right state of mind to date right now, so I’m going to cancel our plans for Saturday.
The less well you know someone, the less of an explanation you owe them when cancelling a date.
If you’ve been seeing someone for a few weeks, this would be a cold and somewhat rude way to cancel a date.
However, if you are planning to meet someone whom you’ve exchanged little more than “What’s up?” on Tinder with, then you could cancel your date without needing to explain yourself at length.
So, while it is not appropriate for every situation, you can certainly use this sentence as a way out of a date with someone you hardly know.
How to cancel a date last minute
No one likes to think of themselves as flaky, and most of us try to cancel plans with a reasonable amount of notice.
However, sometimes circumstances beyond our control get in the way of our best laid plans, and we find ourselves having to get out of something last minute.
If you are cancelling a date within a few hours of when it was supposed to go ahead, make sure you apologize for the late notice.
In these situations, it is pretty much necessary to give a reason for your late cancellation.
You don’t have to go into detail but do avoid making it seem like you have a habit of last-minute flakiness.
Provide the person you were meant to meet with some clarity about why they are being cancelled on right before they were about to leave the house.
Here are a few ways you could communicate that you have to cancel a date right before its about to start.
11. Hi! I’m genuinely so sorry to do this, but I can’t make dinner tonight. Something urgent has come up. Please don’t hate me for cancelling so last minute ☹
When you are cancelling a date, acknowledge right off the bat that what you are doing isn’t great form.
If you apologize first thing, your date is much more likely to be willing to reschedule.
If they don’t feel that you understand the inconvenience you have caused them, they may form an impression of you as being somewhat selfish.
12. I’m so embarrassed, but I completely forgot about our date in an hour. I’m at home in sweats and there’s no way I’ll be ready in time. Can we rain check for some other time?
Sometimes the truth isn’t pretty. If you’ve completely forgotten about a date and no longer have enough time to make it to the meeting place on time, you should be honest with your date about your slip of the mind.
Bar telling a bold-faced lie, there is no other way to explain your late cancellation, so just own up and hope that your date is willing to look past your bad time management.
13. I’m stuck in gridlocked traffic a few hours away, so I don’t think I’ll be back in time for our date. Can we reschedule and do it another time?
The truth is that we all get stuck in traffic sometimes. And when we do, there is literally nothing we can do to make the cars in front of us move forward.
If a situation beyond your control arises, communicate clearly to your date what has happened and ask whether they would be open to rescheduling.
Don’t worry, this is a minor obstacle in what is sure to be a long dating life.
There’s no reasons why a little detail like cancelling a date because of an inconvenience will get in the way of you eventually thinking about out how to respond to “I love you” for the first time from the person you’re seeing.
14. I hope you don’t think I’m rude, but I have to cancel our date later. Something has come up that I can’t get out of. I know it’s terrible to cancel so last minute, but I promise I’ll make it up to you!
Excusing yourself and acknowledging that your actions might seem rude will likely make your date much less annoyed that you have made them keep an evening free to spend with you for no reason.
If you feel comfortable saying it, you can tell them you’ll make it up to them, which will surely also go a long way towards lessening their frustration.
How to cancel a date over text
If you would normally call the person you’re scheduled to go on a date with but can’t for some reason, here are a few things you could text them to clearly communicate why you have to cancel your plans.
15. Hi there, I’m sorry to do this over text, but I’m at work so I can’t really call. Do you mind if we rain check our plans tonight? I have a really bad headache.
While many people wouldn’t mind hearing about a cancelled date via text message, people have different ideas about what the proper etiquette is when it comes to dating.
If you’re dating someone who far prefers talking on the phone to texting, you could send this message, which acknowledges that you know they would have found it more respectful if you had called but explains why you can’t.
This message also asks for a rain check to let your date know you would still like to see them sometime soon, and then explains why you have to cancel the date.
This is the perfect message to send if have to cancel a date over text because it concisely covers all your bases.
16. Hey, just sending you a quick message to ask whether you would be upset if we rescheduled our date for another night?
If you don’t have to cancel your date but would still prefer to do it on another night, you could text this to the person you’re supposed to be meeting.
Instead of just cancelling on them, you’re consulting them in the decision about whether to reschedule. This will make them feel like the two of you are in it together and will stop them from feeling like you’re ditching them.
17. Hi! Just popping into your inbox to say that I’m so sorry, but I have to cancel our date. I’m going to have to fly home to see a sick relative. I’ll give you a call when I’m at the airport.
If you have to text to cancel a date because you’re clearly in the middle of a stressful situation that is demanding at least some part of your attention, then explain exactly what’s happening in your message.
This will ensure that your date has clear insight into what you’re dealing with and will reassure them that you aren’t rejecting them, you just have other obligations that have to come first.
How to cancel a date with a friend
Agreeing to go on a date with a friend puts you in a tricky position. If you think there is romantic potential, it can be a very exciting situation because you already know you get along with them and like them.
However, if your predominant emotion after agreeing to go on a date with a friend is that the two of you aren’t compatible, then you should probably call it off. You don’t want to be sitting at the dinner table and hear “I love you” from a friend if you don’t feel the same.
If you think your friend has high hopes, then letting them down as quickly as possible is the kindest thing you can do for them.
Here are a few ways to call of a date with a friend.
18. Hey, I really appreciate you asking me out, and even though I would be interested to see where things go, I don’t think it’s worth ruining our friendship. I think it’s best if we cancel our date.
This is a mature way to call off a date.
It clearly communicates that you were touched that they asked you out, but that you value your friendship too highly to risk messing it up by becoming romantically involved.
However, do be aware that if you take this approach, your friend may try to convince you that it is still worth it to give it a chance.
19. Hey, I think it’s probably best if we stick to being friends. I know I agreed to go out with you, but I think it’s in both of our best interests to cancel.
While this is a bit of an ambiguous way to cancel a date, it is vague enough to save your friend’s feelings if the truth is that you don’t feel the same and you know that telling them this would hurt them.
Hey, it’s me, Steven. Dating and relationships have always fascinated me. On Dategosu, you will find my best tips to make sure your next date is a great success!