When someone you care about is sad, it can be difficult to know what to say.
You want to tell them everything will be okay and not to worry, but you also don’t want to come across as insensitive or blasé about the seriousness of their problem.
In person, it is far easier to comfort someone, because you can use more than just your words.
When you’re sitting beside someone who is sad, you can hug them, give them sympathetic looks, or suggest going for a walk.
However, if your girlfriend is sad and you cannot be with her, the next best alternative to an in-person chat is to try to make her feel better over text.
The most important thing is to show that she has your full attention, that you understand why she is upset, and that you will help her work through things.
If it ever feels like a chore to have to cheer up your girlfriend, just remember that comforting others actually helps you with your own struggles, so there are multiple reasons to lend the girl you love a helping hand.
25 things to say over text if your girlfriend is sad
- Hi, you seemed a little bit sad when we talked last night. How are you feeling this morning?
- Hey, how are you doing? If you’re feeling down, I’m here for you.
- You seem a little distracted. Is everything okay?
- You know you can talk to me about anything, right?
- Hi Sweetie, how are you? Is there something on your mind that you want to talk about?
- You know I’m always here for you, right? If there’s anything on your mind at all, tell me and we can work through it together.
- Hey, I’m so sorry about your grandma’s passing. I know what a special relationship you two had. She was so proud of you, and you were an amazing granddaughter to her. Do you want to talk about? You know I’m here for you if you do.
- I’m so sorry to hear about your cousin. It’s so tragic that she was taken so young. This must be so hard for you. I love you and I’m here if you want to talk at any time.
- I’m so, so sorry about your brother. He was a light in every room, the funniest man I knew, and a kind and generous father. He will be sorely missed by everyone who knew him. You must be going through hell. I’ll come right over, and we can just sit through this together.
- I’m so sorry about your aunt’s passing. She was always exceptionally good to me. The world has lost a bright light today. Do you want to come over? I’m here for you anytime.
- I know this work thing seems insurmountable at the moment, but it will pass. You couldn’t have known how things would turn out and you did the best you could. Don’t feel bad at all. I’m here for you if you want to talk.
- This is so minor in the grand scheme of things! I know you’re sad about not getting the promotion, but it’s completely their loss and you will excel despite this small setback. In ten years, you won’t even remember this. Call me if you want to talk. I love you and I’m here for you.
- I get the feeling something must have upset you at work today? Do you want to talk about it?
- You seem sad and I’m guessing it is about the work thing? I’d love to talk through what actually happened, because I’m sure it isn’t as bad as you think it was.
- Hey my love, are you still sad about what happened at work on Wednesday? It really wasn’t your fault and I’m sure no one thinks it was. Call me if you want to talk about it. I’m always here for you.
- You haven’t texted this morning, which makes me think you’re still down in the dumps about what Alicia said to you? You honestly have nothing to worry about, you’re a great friend to her and always have been. Call me if you want to talk about it. I always have an open ear for you.
- Hey sweetie, what happened with your friends on Sunday? You’ve seemed really down ever since. Do you want to talk about it?
- Hi my dear, is everything okay with you and the girls? I got the feeling you were upset when we saw them at the restaurant yesterday. Let me know if you want to talk about it. You know I always have your back.
- You’ve seemed a little sad ever since Sasha’s party on Tuesday. Is everything okay between you two? You know you can always talk to me about these things.
- Are you having problems with your friends? You seem a bit down and I was just wondering whether that was why. You know I’d be happy to come over and talk through anything you want.
- Hey babe, is everything okay with us? You’ve seemed a bit sad ever since our date on Tuesday. If there’s a problem, I’m all ears. I really like you and I don’t want anything to get between us.
- Hey there, are you sad about something I said? I feel like you’ve been a little bit distant and down recently, and I just want to figure out whether I’ve done something to upset you.
- Hey, please don’t be sad about the fact that I’m going away for the summer. I’ll call you every evening and we can text the whole time. I love you forever and my going away doesn’t change that.
- I hope I didn’t make you sad by saying that I don’t see myself having kids. That could always change. I just wanted to be honest about where my mind is at right now, but I don’t want you to make any dramatic decisions based on that. Can we talk through things in person?
- Hey babe, you seem sad. You know that just because I don’t want to move in together yet doesn’t mean I will never want to. I just need a little more time, but I care about you so deeply. Call me if you’re feeling down about it and I’ll explain more.
What to say over text if your girlfriend is sad but you don’t know why
There is an old bit of humorous wisdom that holds that if ask your girlfriend how she’s doing and she says, “fine,” it means she is definitely not okay.
Often, you will be able to tell that something is off with your girlfriend even without her having to tell you this.
The better you get to know her and the longer you have been together, the more you will be able to tell what mood she’s in without her having to say anything explicit.
However, just because you aren’t sure what is at the root of your girlfriend’s sadness, doesn’t mean you should ignore it.
The best thing you can do is send her a quick text letting her know that you have noticed she seems down and offering to be her shoulder to cry on, helping hand, or open ear.
If you don’t want to get into the nitty gritty details of why she is sad, you could even just text her you miss her or compliment her by saying she is sweet.
Here are a few ways you could phrase this sentiment.
1. Hi, you seemed a little bit sad when we talked last night. How are you feeling this morning?
If you’ve noticed that your girlfriend seems melancholy or upset but haven’t commented on it yet, you can start the following day with a text asking her how she is feeling.
In certain cases, pointing out in the moment that your girlfriend is sad can be unhelpful.
For example, if you are in a crowd of people and don’t want to cause her to start crying when this could be inappropriate, you should maybe just let the fact that she appears sad go.
Even though there is nothing wrong with crying in public, your girlfriend may just become more upset if she feels she has embarrassed herself.
Then, you can either pull her aside later and ask how she is or else just determine to check in on her the following day. Her mood may have lifted, and if it hasn’t, she has had the night to think about how she wants to deal with it and may be better able to express what she’s feeling.
2. Hey, how are you doing? If you’re feeling down, I’m here for you.
If your girlfriend has been less communicative recently than she usually is, that’s a pretty good indication that something is troubling her.
You don’t need to send a long-winded message expressing concern. Instead, a short text checking in with her and letting her know that you’re here for her if she wants to talk will suffice.
3. You seem a little distracted. Is everything okay?
Another way to check in with you girlfriend if she seems sad, without having to come right out and ask why she is down, is to tell her she seems distracted.
Often when there is a problem on someone’s mind, they will struggle to give their full attention to anything other than that thing. They may therefore seem preoccupied and not fully present.
Pointing out to your girlfriend that she seems distracted and asking whether there is a reason for this that she would like to discuss will help get a conversation going about what her current mindset is.
If your girlfriend wants you to know about what’s going on with her, she now knows the door is open to tell you.
4. You know you can talk to me about anything, right?
If your girlfriend seems sad, but you don’t want to explicitly ask her about her mood, why not just send a supportive message telling her that she can talk to you about anything.
Whatever is going on in her mind or her life that you don’t know about, this comforting message is sure to make her feel appreciated and supported.
Whether she chooses to share what is troubling her with you or not, she will surely appreciate the kind thought behind your message. Even if she doesn’t open up this time, she may well next time.
5. Hi Sweetie, how are you? Is there something on your mind that you want to talk about?
This is a similarly neutral message that expresses care without prying into what your girlfriend might consider her personal business.
By demonstrating that you have noticed she is feeling a little off, and that you care and want her to feel supported, you are showing her that you are attentive to her needs.
She will surely appreciate this and will know that she’s found one of the good ones.
6. You know I’m always here for you, right? If there’s anything on your mind at all, tell me and we can talk through it together.
If your girlfriend seems a bit off to you but you aren’t sure what is making her sad, you can send her a quick text telling her that you’re always there for her and that you have her back.
Offering her the support of talking through things together may make her feel less alone in her problems, which will surely be appreciated.
Whether she takes you up on the offer of talking things through or not, she will surely have been made happy by the fact that you care enough about her to offer this.
What to say over text if your girlfriend is sad because someone has died
One of the difficult things to navigate in relationships, in particular new ones, is offering someone support when they are grieving.
While you want to show that you care, you also don’t want to insert yourself into their space and family in a way that would be unwelcome or presumptuous if you didn’t actually know the person who has passed away.
The best approach to take is to reach out, express your condolences, and offer your support in whatever way would be most helpful to them.
Of course, if someone close to your girlfriend passes away, you should offer to go over to where she is right away to comfort her.
If she doesn’t want you to, she will tell you, but it would be far worse not to offer, considering she is your girlfriend (your person!) and part of being a relationship is sticking together through thick and thin.
Here are a few examples of texts you could send your girlfriend if she is sad because someone close to her has passed away.
7. Hey, I’m so sorry about your grandma’s passing. I know what a special relationship you two had. She was so proud of you, and you were an amazing granddaughter to her. Do you want to talk about? You know I’m here for you if you do.
This text expresses care and talks about how special the person who passed away was without unnecessarily putting yourself in the center of the conversation.
It can be tricky knowing how much to bring up someone who has died that we don’t personally know. The best thing to do is to talk about them indirectly by talking about the person we do know.
Saying, “she was so proud of you,” allows you to acknowledge the depth and source of the sadness your girlfriend is feeling without assuming to know too much.
Instead of automatically thinking your girlfriend wants to talk about it, ask her whether she does and tell her that you’re there for her if that is the case.
8. I’m so sorry to hear about your cousin. It’s so tragic that she was taken so young. This must be so hard for you. I love you and I’m here if you want to talk at any time.
Just because you don’t have a personal relationship with the deceased person your girlfriend cares about doesn’t mean you can’t comment on the situation.
If your girlfriend is sad because someone young has passed away, you can comment on how tragic it is that the person was taken at such a young age. Then acknowledge that the situation must be incredibly difficult for your girlfriend.
Finally, tell her you are available to talk anytime if she needs an ear or a shoulder to cry on.
9. I’m so, so sorry about your brother. He was a light in every room, the funniest man I knew, and a kind and generous father. He will be sorely missed by everyone who knew him. You must be going through hell. I’ll come right over, and we can just sit through this together.
If you know the person who passed away, and in particular if they were a member of your girlfriend’s immediate family, you should not wait for an invitation to go see her. Instead, tell her you’re on your way. She will need your support during this incredibly difficult time.
You can also say how special the person who has passed was to you and acknowledge how terrible the situation is.
10. I’m so sorry about your aunt’s passing. She was always exceptionally good to me. The world has lost a bright light today. Do you want to come over? I’m here for you anytime.
If a family member who wasn’t exceptionally close to your girlfriend dies, you should offer to go over there or invite her to come to where you are.
She may decide it is better for her to be with family now. She may not want to mix her love life with her complicated family life, particularly if your relationship is still in its early stages and you haven’t all met before.
Whatever she decides, however, the offer will surely be appreciated.
What to say over text if your girlfriend is sad because of a problem at work
Ah, the elusive work lives of our partners. We might think we know everything there is to know about someone, but most people have a “work self” that their partners would hardly even recognize.
The “work self” is the person we become at work, who might differ substantially from the person we see ourselves as and behave like in our personal lives.
This “work self” might develop because of the level of professionalism in the workplace, or simply because people have no choice but to grind through every day in the office and find it easier to do this if they adopt a more confident demeanor.
Whatever the case, your girlfriend probably has a “work self,” not to mention a whole other life in a place she spends about 50 percent of her life in.
If something that happened at work is upsetting her, she may feel like you wouldn’t understand, because you don’t know the particular dynamics of her workplace. Offering to listen to what happened anyway, is always a good idea.
Here are a few things you could text your girlfriend if she is sad about a problem at work.
11. I know this work thing seems insurmountable at the moment, but it will pass. You couldn’t have known how things would turn out and you did the best you could. Don’t feel bad at all. I’m here for you if you want to talk.
Often, when people have made a mistake at work, they worry about the professional repercussions of what happened.
Of course, if your girlfriend has genuinely made a terrible mistake, there is nothing you could say to make her feel completely better. However, most people tend to overestimate how badly they have messed up, and it will probably all be fine.
To help your girlfriend feel better, point out that she didn’t intentionally do anything bad and tell her that she shouldn’t beat herself up about it.
Follow up this message by sending your girlfriend a heart emoji to show how much you care.
12. This is so minor in the grand scheme of things! I know you’re sad about not getting the promotion, but it’s completely their loss and you will excel despite this small setback. In ten years, you won’t even remember this. Call me if you want to talk. I love you and I’m here for you.
If your girlfriend is preoccupied by something at work that is making her sad, try to help her gain some perspective.
Say, for example, she was passed over for a promotion, give her a pep talk about how it is her company’s loss and how this won’t matter in a few years.
Even if can’t manage to turn her frown all the way upside down with a text, you’ll certainly have made her grateful for your support.
13. I get the feeling something must have upset you at work today? Do you want to talk about it?
You may be able to logically deduce that whatever is making your girlfriend sad must have happened at work, even if you don’t necessarily know what it was.
If this the case, you can suggest to her that something might have happened at work at and ask whether she wants to talk about it.
Now, the ball is in her court. She can either tell you and take you up on your offer of support or choose to keep her problem to herself. Either way, you’ve shown that you can be a caring and considerate partner.
14. You seem sad and I’m guessing it is about the work thing? I’d love to talk through what actually happened, because I’m sure it isn’t as bad as you think it was.
If your girlfriend has mentioned that something upsetting happened at work, but hasn’t gone into detail about the whole thing, you can ask her to tell you what it is that’s upsetting her.
Telling her you’re sure it wasn’t as bad as she thinks might prompt her to tell you in order to get a second opinion of the situation.
15. Hey my love, are you still sad about what happened at work on Wednesday? It really wasn’t your fault and I’m sure no one thinks it was. Call me if you want to talk about it. I’m always here for you.
If you think your girlfriend is being far too hard on herself about something that happened at work, tell her it wasn’t her fault and that whatever she’s imagining other people think about her is probably not true.
Tell her she can call you if she wants to talk and finish your message with a sweet assurance that you’re always there for her.
What to say over text if your girlfriend is sad because of a problem with friends
One of the most difficult things to navigate as a partner is your girlfriend’s problems with her friends.
Whether you like the people she hangs out with or not, they are also an integral part of her life, and you must be considerate of the fact that her relationships with them are a huge part of her life.
If she is having issues with her friends and is sad about it, it is important that you show support for her without trashing her friends. When they inevitably work things out, it will be awkward that you have expressed negative things about the people she spends almost all the rest of her time with.
So, err of the side of diplomacy, and focus on what you can do to make your girlfriend feel better.
17. You haven’t texted this morning, which makes me think you’re still down in the dumps about what Alicia said to you? You honestly have nothing to worry about, you’re a great friend to her and always have been. Call me if you want to talk about it. I always have an open ear for you.
If you know your girlfriend is sad about a particular thing that a friend said to her, you can raise this with her, and point out that she shouldn’t worry about it because she is a great friend.
Showing that you unconditionally believe in your girlfriend’s good qualities is sure to make her happy.
Finish your text by saying that you are available to talk anytime.
18. Hey sweetie, what happened with your friends on Sunday? You’ve seemed really down ever since. Do you want to talk about it?
Perhaps you suspect that something happened when your girlfriend was hanging out with her friends that has made her sad, but you don’t know what it is.
If she went to hang out with them and came back apparently unhappy, you can pretty safely deduce that something happened or was said that has made her sad.
Ask her what it was and whether she wants to talk about it. If she feels ready to open up about it, she’ll know where she can turn.
You can also send her a sweet emoji in addition the message, like a kissy-face emoji.
19. Hi my dear, is everything okay with you and the girls? I got the feeling you were upset when we saw them at the restaurant yesterday. Let me know if you want to talk about it. You know I always have your back.
If your girlfriend is in an argument with one or more of her friends, the most important thing you can communicate is that you have her back.
It can be scary to fight with friends because we often feel that if we lose our friends, we will be isolated and alone. Having a partner who supports us gives us a little bit more faith in our intuition.
If your girlfriend is someone who would normally people-please and end up accepting less than she deserves in her friendships, she may feel more confident in asserting herself if she knows that someone out there is supporting her and sees things from her perspective.
Reinforce that self-belief by sending her a text telling her you support her all the way.
20. You’ve seemed a little sad ever since Sasha’s party on Tuesday. Is everything okay between you two? You know you can always talk to me about these things.
If you suspect that your girlfriend is upset but doesn’t want to bother you with her problems, assure her that she can always talk to you about whatever is upsetting her.
If you think you might know the root of the problem, you can mention it to see whether this prompts her to open up more.
Even if she doesn’t necessarily realize it, she will probably be happier once she has talked through whatever is upsetting her.
21. Are you having problems with your friends? You seem a bit down and I was just wondering whether that was why. You know I’d be happy to come over and talk through anything you want.
Your girlfriend may not be a big texter, or even if she is, she may prefer to talk about difficult things in person.
For this reason, the best thing you can do if you suspect your girlfriend is sad about a conflict she is having with someone else is offer to come over to talk about it.
What to say over text if your girlfriend is sad because of a problem in your relationship
If you suspect that you are the source of your girlfriend’s sadness, you should address this with her immediately.
The best thing to do would be to give her a call so that you can talk through things in real time. However, if for some reason it is not possible to speak to each other, a text is a pretty good second option.
Here are a few ways to broach the difficult subject that you suspect your girlfriend is sad about something to do with your relationship.
22. Hey babe, is everything okay with us? You’ve seemed a bit sad ever since our date on Tuesday. If there’s a problem, I’m all ears. I really like you and I don’t want anything to get between us.
The advantage of beginning a difficult conversation over text rather than in person, is that you can think properly about what the main message you want to convey is, and then ensure that this is heard before other things get in the way.
If what you really want to express is that you are concerned about the status of your relationship because you value it so highly, you can get this out there in one go.
23. Hey there, are you sad about something I said? I feel like you’ve been a little bit distant and down recently, and I just want to figure out whether I’ve done something to upset you.
We all know what it is like when someone is upset with us. It might manifest as just a slight edge in their voice or an uncharacteristic coldness.
It can be upsetting to be treated like we’ve done something wrong when we aren’t sure what that might be.
The best thing to do if you feel your girlfriend is upset with you is to ask her whether she is. This sample text is the perfect way to bring up what you’re feeling.
24. Hey, please don’t be sad about the fact that I’m going away for the summer. I’ll call you every evening and we can text the whole time. I love you forever and my going away doesn’t change that.
If you know exactly why your girlfriend is sad, you don’t have to ask her or play the game of acting like you’re unsure what’s upsetting her.
Just address the subject straightforwardly and see if you can ease any worries you know she may be having.
25. I hope I didn’t make you sad by saying that I don’t see myself having kids. That could always change. I just wanted to be honest about where my mind is at right now, but I don’t want you to make any dramatic decisions based on that. Can we talk through things in person?
Some kinds of relationship troubles are worse than others. For example, if you and your girlfriend had a tiff about the dishes, this is hardly serious.
However, if you had a disagreement about something more important like kids or marriage or moving in together, it could have disastrous consequences if it doesn’t get handled properly.
If you know what has caused your girlfriend to feel sad about something in your relationship, tell her that you know what is upsetting her and explain your position. Then suggest that this conversation would be more productive if you had it in person.
Hey babe, you seem sad. You know that just because I don’t want to move in together yet doesn’t mean I will never want to. I just need a little more time, but I care about you so deeply. Call me if you’re feeling down about it and I’ll explain more.
Sometimes your girlfriend will be upset about something that you feel strongly about. For example, if she wants to move in together this year, but you don’t feel even close to ready for a step that big, you shouldn’t compromise your position just to make her feel better.
Instead, explain why you don’t think the issue is something she needs to be upset about. The bottom line is that you care about her deeply. If you can find a way to communicate this, you will surely be able to cheer her up.
Hey, it’s me, Steven. Dating and relationships have always fascinated me. On Dategosu, you will find my best tips to make sure your next date is a great success!