Imagine you’ve met a guy that you like. You could see yourself becoming romantically involved with him.
He seems interested in you too.
But whenever you suggest plans, he has an excuse for why he can’t make it.
This can be disheartening, and you might find yourself wondering whether any of these events that keep your crush from spending time with you are even real. Is he just avoiding you?
When you start dating a busy guy, it is a good idea to give him the benefit of the doubt where his schedule is concerned until he gives you a reason not to.
Instead, focus your mental energy on making the best of an unfortunate situation.
Remind yourself that just because he can’t hang out doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to. Then consider what you could do to make the time you spend together extra worthwhile.
Here are some good pointers for how to go about datig a guy who is seemingly never free.
How to date a guy who’s busy all the time
- Don’t overthink his reasons for being busy and take him at his word
- Suggest relaxing dates
- Don’t guilt trip him for being unavailable
- Show an interest in his work, friends, and hobbies
- Don’t sacrifice what’s important to you to hang out with him
- Don’t be constantly available
- Spend more time with your friends and family
- Plan dates in advance
- Ask him for clarity about his schedule
- Don’t always text first
If a guy you are interested in getting to know in a romantic way is busy all the time, the worst thing you can do is make him feel suffocated by guilt tripping him for not making the time to see you.
If he’s busy all day most days, the last thing he wants to do in his spare time is defend his work schedule and be made to feel guilty for his dedication to his family, friends, hobbies, and professional advancement.
The guidelines for dating a busy guy that are listed above will help you navigate seeing someone who has limited availability.
In summary, you should maintain your independence, trust that he likes you even though he can’t always find the time to see you, and make the time you do spend together extra special.
Here is an in-depth look at each of these pieces of advice.
1. Don’t overthink his reasons for being busy and take him at his word
When a guy you’re seeing tells you he is busy because he is doing something, assume he is telling the truth. Don’t overthink it and begin to question whether he really is busy after all. Instead, just accept that he can’t hang out and move on.
If a guy tells you he can’t hang out because he has other plans, don’t think too hard about why it might be that he isn’t able to see you.
Instead, take him at his word that he has other things he needs to be doing.
The worst thing you could do if you are dating a busy guy is make him feel like you don’t trust that he is being honest with you about his availability.
If you have no grounds not to trust that the reason he can’t hang out is the one he’s giving you, then assume he is telling you the truth.
2. Suggest relaxing dates
Propose doing relaxing things that offer the busy guy you’re seeing the opportunity to de-stress after a long day or week on the grind. Anything laid back that doesn’t require a lot of pomp and circumstance, such as a walk or a night in, is perfect.
If the guy you’re dating is constantly busy, why not suggest doing things together that will help him de-stress.
If you come to represent a safe space in which he can let down his guard and relax, he will start to feel comfortable with you very fast.
Among other things, you could offer to cook him dinner at your place, go for a calm walk in a local forest, or simply go out for a hot drink at a local coffee shop. All of these things are activities that would help him relax.
He will appreciate that you don’t care about the more superficial (and effort-filled) aspects of dating, such as going to fancy, expensive restaurants, or getting all dolled up to spend time together.
If you establish the dynamic of your budding relationship as chilled and laid back, the guy you’re dating will surely want to spend more time with you.
After all, he needs downtime after his busy weeks. You can either be another obligation in his already full schedule, or you can be that downtime.
Organizing relaxing dates will surely put you firmly in the downtime category and will surely lead the guy you’re seeing to say he appreciates you.
3. Don’t guilt trip him for being unavailable
Accept that the guy you’re seeing is a busy person and do not make him feel bad for having a full life. If he feels like you are critical of his full schedule, he will be less likely to want to spend time with you. Instead, be supportive of the good things he is doing with his time.
The absolute worst thing you can do when dating a guy who’s almost never available is to make him feel bad for being so busy all the time.
If you find yourself doing this, check yourself. The guy you’re in the early stages of dating doesn’t owe you anything.
By acting as though you are entitled to his time, you are probably making him feel suffocated.
Instead of making him feel guilty for his busy schedule, show compassion for the fact that he is having to work so hard.
He is probably exhausted, and the last thing he will want to do is spend time justifying why he has to do all the things that are causing him to be exhausted.
If he takes a while to get back to you sometimes, there are several ways to respond when he finally texts you back. One is to be petulant and punish him for taking so long to write you. The other, which you should take, is pretend you didn’t notice the delay in his response time.
4.Show an interest in his work, friends, and hobbies
Ask about his work life, including the day-to-day duties of his job. Ask about his friendships, including what his relationship with each friend is like and how long he has known them. Ask about his extracurricular activities, such as sports, music, or whatever else it is he spends his time doing.
Because he is busy with work, friends, family, and hobbies, he will surely appreciate you showing an interest in the things he is doing.
If you continue hanging out and getting to know each other, you integrating yourself into other parts of his life will ease the divide between the things he is busy doing and the time he spends with you.
Family gatherings or hangouts with friends that he currently attends alone may become things you go to together in the future.
If you ask questions about how his family events went and inquire about the names, personalities, jobs, and hobbies of his family members, you will likely speed up how quickly you receive those invitations.
This kind of interest is what would, if you ended up staying together, contribute to building strong family relationships.
5. Don’t sacrifice what’s important to you to hang out with him
Keep your schedule the way it is, unless you can change things without harming your friendships or interrupting your professional advancement. Don’t let his limited availability mean that you stop prioritizing the things you need to when it comes to advancing your career or tending to friendships and family relationships.
Just because he is busy doesn’t mean you can’t also be!
If he can only hang out at a time when you have a pre-existing commitment, stick to your guns and prioritize your prior engagement.
Don’t neglect your hobbies, fitness, or friendships to fit your schedule to his.
Ultimately, if you don’t have passions that you are willing to prioritize, he will likely be less excited by you because you will appear to be constantly available, which leads us nicely into the next piece of advice for dating a busy guy.
6. Don’t be constantly available
While game playing is never advisable, it is also not a good idea to be at the guy you’re dating’s beck and call whenever he wants you. So, while you should never pretend to be busy when you aren’t and should always be honest about wanting to see him if you do, it is not a good idea to put every other part of your life on the back burner and wait around for him to text.
Think about it, who would you be more attracted to, a guy who has a vibrant, busy life, full of people and exciting plans, or a guy who never seems to be doing anything other than waiting around to spend time with you?
Let’s be real, we all know it’s the first option.
The guy you’re dating will feel the same. Keep your hobbies, friend dates, work schedule, and personal time as consistent as they would be if you’d never met the guy you’re dating.
Not being constantly available is a good idea when dating anyone, but especially when you are dating a girl who is always busy or a guy who is never free.
7. Spend more time with your friends and family
Just because the guy you’re dating doesn’t have time to see you doesn’t mean you have to sit around at home sulking. Instead, focus on spending quality time with the other important people in your life. Make more plans with your friends and family and make the most of seeing the other people in your social circle.
If you have a vibrant social life outside of your budding relationship, you will feel less alone when the guy you’re seeing is out living his best, most social and successful life.
If you feel like your own life is full, you will also feel less threatened by the other things in his life, and more genuinely happy for him when he gets new and exciting opportunities.
8. Plan dates in advance
Schedule in dates in advance so that you aren’t always asking to hang out at the last minute and being turned down. Once you have something penciled in, you can rely on the person you’re seeing to keep their word to you. And if they don’t, you would have the right to be annoyed.
If someone’s schedule is limited by their busy life, don’t be afraid to ask them when they can be available.
Having things planned for times when the person you’re dating is definitely free ensures that you won’t spend your time being constantly batted down when you ask the person you like to hang out.
9. Ask him for clarity about his schedule
Don’t sit around on your own wondering endlessly what “busy” means. There is nothing wrong with wanting to know the details about why someone can’t hang out with you, especially if they seem not to be able to often.
On a similar note, you are entitled to ask the guy you’re seeing for clarity about where he will be when.
If you feel like you constantly get vague responses about why he can’t hang out, and he often just says he’s busy without elaborating, you are allowed to ask why he can’t hang out and what he is doing at that time.
While you should avoid sounding accusatory or like you don’t believe him, it is annoying to be constantly turned down without being provided clarity about why.
Knowing what he’s doing will also make it easier for you to accept that he isn’t available to spend time with you. If you are in the dark about his plans, there is a greater chance you will begin to feel jealous of the other people he spends time with and resentful of his full schedule.
The science behind jealousy is complicated, but you don’t have to fully understand it in order to know that the best approach to feeling reproachful is to reframe the situation for yourself. Very little is achieved by expressing jealousy.
If things do go downhill and he calls you dramatic for asking for more information about his lans, don’t hesitate to call it quits. Come on, you know you deserve better than that.
10. Don’t always text first
There is no need to play games, but make sure that you and the guy you are seeing are sending the first text approximately every other time. If you have something important to say, don’t hold back just because you texted last, but make sure that he is also showing a keen interest in texting you by waiting for him start the conversation sometimes.
While you don’t need to stick to any specific texting rules, do be aware of how often you are initiating the conversation.
Busy people spend less time on their phones for the simple reason that they don’t have the time to spare.
So, if you constantly find yourself picking up your phone to reach out to the guy you’re seeing, thinking twice before you press send. Do you really need to communicate what you’re about to say?
As long as conversations are being started at about a fifty–fifty rate, feel free to text what you want when you want. But do be wary of overloading his inbox and of always being the first to reach out.
Every so often, resist the urge to write him and wait for him to reach out and call you cute over text.
Hey, it’s me, Steven. Dating and relationships have always fascinated me. On Dategosu, you will find my best tips to make sure your next date is a great success!