The tricky thing about figuring out how often to text a girl you like or are in a relationship with, is that everybody is different when it comes to how much they like to message people.
Some people feel neglected if they haven’t received a text for an hour, whereas other people would feel smothered by that level of attention.
The key is to figure out how your girlfriend feels about digital communication. Here is a guide to help you figure out just how often to text her!
How to figure out how often you should text your girlfriend
- Ask your girlfriend how often she wants to text you.
- Pay attention to how much time your girlfriend spends on her phone.
- Pay attention to how often your girlfriend texts her friends.
- Ask yourself how often you want to text your girlfriend.
- Ask yourself how engaging it is to text your girlfriend.
- Find a balance that works for both of you!
Ideally, you should text your girlfriend enough for her to feel cared for but not suffocated. Take your lead from her. If she texts you several times a day, respond several times a day.
However, if she texts you once a week, and you would like to speak more, try messaging a little more regularly and see how she responds.
On the other hand, if she texts you twice a minute and you don’t want to talk to her that much, try responding every few hours and see how she reacts to this.
Ultimately, the frequency of your texting should reflect how much you’re enjoying the conversations you’re having.
If what is being said is engaging, you’re both likely to respond more quickly.
Taking all the factors listed above into account, you’re sure to work out a happy medium and settle into a comfortable texting frequency.
Here is a run-through of what the answers to these questions mean about how often you should text your girlfriend.
1. Ask your girlfriend how often she wants to text
The simplest solution to knowing how much to text your girlfriend is just to ask your girlfriend if she enjoys texting. If she does, you’ll know you should probably text her regularly. Regular texting involves having at least three or four exchanges a day.
However, if your girlfriend tells you that prefers to let the relationship progress in person and only likes to text about practical matters like where to meet up when, then you can save yourself the time you would spend crafting messages.
That said, don’t rely solely on what your girlfriend tells you! She may actually want you to text her more often but doesn’t want to appear clingy.
If she is constantly texting her best friend, she would probably like to text you with the same frequency, so you can increase the amount you text her a little and see how she reacts. If she seems pleased, keep it up!
Also, remember that things become more comfortable over text in time.
In the beginning of your relationship, you might still be have been wondering how to respond to hey from a girl, but soon became second nature. It’s exactly the same with finding a well-suited texting frequency!
2. Pay attention to how much time your girlfriend spends on her phone
Some girls are glued to their screens. Whether they’re scrolling through Instagram, shopping, chatting to their friends, or checking sports scores, they’re on that thing so much you almost forget what their faces look like.
Other girls have no time for their phones and seem to always be forgetting them at home.
No way of being is better than the other, but which approach your girlfriend takes will certainly have an impact on how much you should text her.
Girls who spend hours on end on their phones will see your messages as just one more thing to attend to on their never-ending list of fun phone stuff.
They will enjoy hearing from you, because they are already poised to react.
On the other hand, girls who don’t spend much time on their phones will have to change their habits if they are constantly receiving texts from their boyfriends.
Given that they don’t seem to like their phones very much, they will probably not appreciate having to be on them often.
As a rule, if the girl you’re seeing is a big phone user, text her more often. You could aim to have about three to four text exchanges with your girlfriend per day. Text her when you wake up, during your lunch break, and before bed.
If she seems to want to neglect her phone altogether, text her less often. Start with around once a day, preferably around midday or in the evening. If you have nothing specific to say, just sent her a message telling her she’s cute.
Alternatively, if you prefer calling instead of texting, why not do that?
3. Pay attention to how often your girlfriend texts her friends
The best indication of your girlfriend’s preferred texting habits you can get is how often she texts the other people in her life that she cares about.
If she is in a constant back-and-forth with her friends, then she is used to a kind of stream-of-consciousness-style texting in which both parties to the conversation are regularly updating each other about all the little things going on with them.
If your girlfriend readily engages in this kind of texting behavior with the other important people in her life, then she probably would be open to doing this with you too.
However, don’t immediately assume that just because your girlfriend is always in contact with her friends, she wants to be in constant communication with you. Friendships have different dynamics than romantic relationships!
What you can think, however, is that she would like to work up to be in very regular contact over text.
On the other hand, if your girlfriend doesn’t really text her closest friends unless she’s making plans to meet up with them, you know that she genuinely isn’t a big texting fan.
Take this information to mean that you should not text your girlfriend very often.
So, as a general rule, if your girlfriend is always texting her friends, start working up to more regular texting––provided you want to talk more, of course. Begin with around four exchanges per day. One when you wake up, one during your lunch break, one after work, and one before bed.
If your girlfriend hardly ever texts her friends, stick to one or two text exchanges per day. Try getting in touch to say good morning and then messaging her again at night to ask how her day was.
4. Ask yourself how much you want to text your girlfriend
Texting should always serve both people in the exchange. While it is important to ask yourself how much your girlfriend wants to be texting you, you should also be asking yourself how much you want to be texting your girlfriend.
For one thing, keeping up a texting messaging frequency that is too much for you will become grating and you may start to resent your girlfriend for having the expectations she does.
On the other hand, if you wish you were speaking over text more often and your girlfriend is resolutely refusing to text more than the very minimal amount she enjoys, you may feel hurt.
Once you’ve assessed how much your girlfriend seems to want to text by asking her, taking note of how much time she spends on her phone, and witnessing how often she texts her friends, turn these questions on yourself.
Ultimately, all you have to ask yourself is whether you wish you were texting your girlfriend more or less than you currently are. Whatever the answer, make a subtle move in that direction. If you want to be in more regular communication, just shoot your girlfriend an extra text a day and see how she reacts.
If you want to talk less, take a little more time to respond between messages and see how your girlfriend reacts.
That said, don’t ghost the girl! You don’t want her sitting around for days on end wondering what she’ll respond when you finally text back, because this will likely lead to an argument.
5. Ask yourself how engaging it is to text your girlfriend
When we talk about how much we should or shouldn’t text our partners, we’re all just trying to figure out what is normal and expected. Ultimately, however, how much we text someone should depend on how much we enjoy the conversations we’re having.
You wouldn’t ask how much you should talk to someone in real life, because the amount you talk to them would be naturally determined by the quality and comfort level of the conversation.
Try to take this approach when it comes to texting too! If you’re enjoying talking to your girlfriend over text, then there are no rules about how much or little you should be talking.
If your chats are funny and thrilling, text as much as you want!
However, if you find that you connect better in person and that the texting is just kind of a drag, don’t do it very often.
Just make sure that your texting etiquette is on point when you’re trying to avoid talking so much so that you don’t come across as dismissive.
6. Find a balance that works for both of you
Ultimately, how often you text your girlfriend should depend on how much you would both enjoy being in digital contact!
Remember also that the amount you text is not a reflection of how good your relationship. Some of the best relationships involve hardly any texting and some of the most unhappy couples are constantly tapping away at each other.
Messaging exchanges can be wonderful, full of people sending smiley face with three-heart emojis.
Or they can be people responding to guys calling them crazy.
It is the quality of your texting not the quantity that will factor into the happiness of your relationship. Find what works for you both and remember that you can always talk to each other about your texting habits!
Hey, it’s me, Steven. Dating and relationships have always fascinated me. On Dategosu, you will find my best tips to make sure your next date is a great success!