11 Ways to Respond to “I am not ready for a relationship”

It’s a story as old as, well, casual dating. Boy meets girl. Boy says all the right things and makes girl feel special. 

Girl begins to fall in love, only for boy to let her know that he is “not ready for a relationship.” 

How should you respond when someone tells you they don’t want to commit to you? Well, it depends on the nature of your relationship and how much you like them. 

 

11 ways to respond to “I’m not ready for a relationship”

1. I’m on the same page, let’s keep it casual. 
   
2. I’m also not ready for any big commitment. Shall we just see where things go?
   
3. Neither am I. Sounds like we’re looking for the same thing ☺
   
4. That’s fine, I completely understand. I am looking for a relationship, so I think it’s probably best if we stop seeing each other. 
   
5. That’s no problem. I’m not necessarily looking for a relationship, but I would like to be exclusive. Is that a problem for you?
   
6. Do you want to keep seeing each other to see where things go, no strings attached, or would you rather just cut things off now? 
   
7. No problem. I think we’re on different pages as I’m dating with the aim of meeting a partner. 
   
8. No worries. I’m not specifically looking for a relationship either, but I would like to date someone with the potential for it to get serious. If you are not open to seeing where things go, let me know so that I can invest my time in getting to know other people. 
   
9. Oh. I think I misunderstood what was happening here, as I thought we were getting pretty serious. 
   
10. Oh, wow. To be honest, I feel hurt and like you led me on a bit. 
    
11. Okay, let’s go our separate ways then. No hard feelings, but I would recommend being clearer about your intentions from the beginning next time. 

 

How to respond to “I’m not ready for a relationship” when you’re getting to know someone

The most important thing when someone tells you they aren’t ready for a relationship early on is to be honest about how you feel.

If you like someone, it is tempting to tell them exactly what they want to hear so that they continue to want to see you. 

However, this will only lead to hurt in the long-term. It is much better to say what you really feel and break things off than to wait until you develop serious feelings and have your heart broken. 

If you really do want to keep things casual, go for it! But make sure that you aren’t just trying to appease the person you are getting to know. 

 

1. I’m on the same page, let’s keep it casual. 

If you are also not looking for a relationship, then someone telling you they aren’t looking for anything serious means you’ve hit the jackpot! 

Let them know you are on the same page and want to keep things casual. 

Example: 

 

2. I’m also not ready for any big commitment. Shall we just see where things go?

This is a great response to give if you aren’t looking for a relationship just now, but want to keep the door open for something to develop in the future. 

By saying you want to “see where things go,” you aren’t ruling out that you might want a relationship in the future. 

Example: 

 

3. Neither am I. Sounds like we’re looking for the same thing ☺

If you really don’t see yourself wanting a relationship with the person you’re talking to, you could give a simple, cut-to-the-chase answer. Just say that you aren’t either! 

No need to beat around the bush. If you both want the same thing, that’s only a good thing. 

Example: 

 

4. That’s fine, I completely understand. I am looking for a relationship, so I think it’s probably best if we stop seeing each other. 

Honesty is the best policy. This especially applies to dating. If you know you are looking for a long-term partner, do not pursue someone who tells you they don’t want a relationship! 

Instead, be clear about what you are looking for. This response is perfect because it makes clear that you understand the other person’s position, but that you aren’t willing to compromise for them. 

Example: 

 

5. That’s no problem. I’m not necessarily looking for a relationship, but I would like to be exclusive. Is that a problem for you?

If you feel that you are okay with not having a relationship, but only if you know that the person you are seeing isn’t also seeing other people, then you can express this. 

Some people don’t want a relationship for the simple reason that they don’t want the commitment that goes along with being someone’s partner. 

On the other hand, other people don’t want a relationship because they want to be free to date and sleep with who they want. 

Don’t be afraid to ask for clarification about why the person you are getting to know isn’t ready for a relationship. You can only make an informed decision about what you want when you have all the facts. 

Example: 

 

How to respond to “I’m not ready for a relationship” after a few dates

If you have been on several dates with someone who isn’t serious about you, there will normally be signs.

Sometimes they will do what is called breadcrumbing, leading you on by giving you small, sporadic signs of interest without giving you any real access to them. 

However, sometimes people really do say and do all the right things and then blindside you by telling you they aren’t interested in pursuing things further. 
 

6. Do you want to keep seeing each other to see where things go, no strings attached, or would you rather just cut things off now? 

The tricky thing about hearing that someone isn’t ready for a relationship, is that they aren’t necessarily telling you that they don’t want to see you anymore. In fact, they could want any number of arrangements. 

You should clarify with them what they want from you, so that you can be clear in return about how it makes you feel. 

Asking specific questions, such as whether they want to keep seeing you, is always a good idea. 

Example: 

 

7. No problem. I think we’re on different pages as I’m dating with the aim of meeting a partner. 

Setting your boundaries is key. While the person you have been dating is entitled not to want a relationship, you are entitled to tell them if you feel differently. 

If you want a relationship, then just politely say that you think you are on different pages and that you are looking for a partner. 

Example: 

 

8. No worries. I’m not specifically looking for a relationship either, but I would like to date someone with the potential for it to get serious. If you are not open to seeing where things go, let me know so that I can invest my time in getting to know other people. 

Often when someone tells you they don’t want a relationship, they are saying it because they think that you might want one. 

It is therefore fair to tell them that you aren’t dreaming of jumping right into a relationship with them either, but that you don’t see much point in dating if there is no potential future. 

Lay your cards on the table and see how they respond. 

If they know you aren’t sitting around hoping they’ll pop the boyfriend/girlfriend question, then they might be able to relax into the process of getting to know one another and trying to assess whether you are compatible.  

Example: 

 

How to respond to “I’m not ready for a relationship” when you thought things were serious

The most hurtful time for someone to tell you they aren’t ready for a relationship is when you pretty much assumed you were already in one. 

You spend nights at each other’s houses, you text all the time, they respond to all your Instagram stories, and they’ve met your parents.

Now, all of a sudden, they’re telling you they aren’t ready for a relationship? 

This can be a very painful thing to hear. The best thing you can do is to politely be honest about the fact that they have hurt you. 

 

9. Oh. I think I misunderstood what was happening here, as I thought we were getting pretty serious. 

There is no need to pretend to be okay with something you aren’t. 

If someone has given you the impression that they want to be with you and then seems to have changed their mind, you should tell them how they have made you feel. If nothing else, it will hopefully make them be more considerate with others in the future. 

Tell them you thought you were getting pretty serious so that they know exactly where your mind was at. 

Example: 

 

10. Oh, wow. To be honest, I feel hurt and like you led me on a bit. 

There is nothing weak about owning your truth. If someone has led you on, let them know how blindsided you feel.

Saying “Oh, wow,” conveys how shocked you are by what they have said. 

Then, telling them that you feel hurt will make them realize that they ought to reflect on why you feel hurt and what impression their actions gave you.   

Example: 

 

11. Okay, let’s go our separate ways then. No hard feelings, but I would recommend being clearer about your intentions from the beginning next time. 

If you want to be the bigger person, accept the person you are dating’s decision by telling them you think you should go your separate ways. 

This lets them know that you are not going to beg them to stay or try to convince them to enter a relationship with you. Telling them there are no hard feelings reinforces the image of you as a mature adult who can accept rejection without being bitter. 

However, it is also important to try to prevent them from treating others the way they have treated you. Telling them you think they ought to be clearer about their intentions will make them aware that they were unclear about what they wanted from you. 

Hopefully, this will make them reflect on their actions. And if not, you get to walk away knowing you took the high road. 

Example: