There is nothing more frustrating than waiting an unreasonable amount of time for a guy to text you back.
“How hard is it to type out a simple response?” we wonder.
Then, when he finally does message us back, we don’t know how to react. Is it unreasonable to be annoyed? Should we pretend everything is fine? Should we voice that we find his behavior disrespectful?
The truth is, how you should respond depends entirely on the situation. Here are a few pointers for how to deal with a slow responder!
22 ways to respond when he finally texts you back
- Good, thanks! How are you doing?
- Hi! I’m good, how are you?
- Hey! Not too bad, how have you been?
- Hey! Good morning to you too. How are you?
- Hey, I’m doing well. How has your week been?
- Hey, it’s been months since I wrote you. I honestly think it was a bit rude to disappear on me the way you did. No hard feelings, but I don’t really want to talk to you anymore.
- Hey. I appreciate your apology. I was really hurt when you stopped responding because I really thought we were building something special. I’m open to talking again, but I definitely want to take things slow this time.
- Don’t be silly, no worries at all! How was your weekend?
- Not a problem at all. How have you been since we last talked?
- That’s so fine. I hope you’ve had a good few days?
- Long time no talk. How is it going?
- Hi, you’re alive! What have you been up to?
- Hey there, it’s been a while. How are you?
- Hey, I feel like you might be losing interest in talking to me. If so, no hard feelings at all, I would just prefer to know so that I can invest my time elsewhere.
- Hey, I just wanted to check in about where you’re at. I get the feeling you might not be that into talking anymore. If so, no problem. Just let me know so that I know what’s going on.
- Hey, I’m finding it a bit difficult how hard it is to get ahold of you. It’s not the end of the world, but it would mean a lot if you just sent back a quick reply when I message you.
- Hey, I don’t mean to bug you, but do you think you could get back to me a bit more quickly in the future?
- I understand that you want your space, and I am happy to give it to you, but it would mean a lot to me if you could respond within a reasonable amount of time when I text.
- Hey, it has been nice getting to know you, but I think we may be looking for different things. I wish you all the best but think it’s probably best if we leave it here.
- Hey, this isn’t really working for me anymore. I need someone who is equally invested in this and can get back to me when I ask them a question. I wish you all the best, but I think we should call things off.
- Hey, I totally understand that you’re really busy at the moment, but I’m finding it hard to get even a minute of your time. If you could just be a little quicker with texting me back it would really mean a lot.
- Hey there, busy bee. I know things are hectic for you right now, but I feel a bit like you’re ignoring me…would you mind getting back to me a little more quickly in the future?
How to respond if you are still just getting to know each other
If you have just met someone and he doesn’t seem to be very good at responding promptly to messages, it is best not to criticize him for this.
If you act upset that he is taking too long to respond, he may feel that you are being controlling. After all, you do not know each other that well yet.
He may have plenty of valid reasons for being slow to respond. Perhaps things are very demanding at work, or maybe he has a sick relative and is spending time with family.
It is also possible that he is just the kind of person who doesn’t spend much time on his phone and prefers not to be expected to respond to things straight away.
These are all things you will learn about him in time. Don’t jump to conclusions too early and end up sabotaging what could be a good thing!
Maybe on a third or fourth date you can jokingly tell him you’ve noticed that he isn’t a super speedy responder. If you say it without making him feel criticized, he will probably acknowledge that this is something he struggles with and make an effort to respond more promptly in the future.
That said, when he finally texts you back after a day or two and you are just getting to know each other, it is best to just act like nothing has happened.
Examples:
- Good, thanks! How are you doing?
- Hi! I’m good, how are you?
- Hey! Not too bad, how have you been?
How to respond if it has only been a day or two since you texted him
Two days may seem like an eternity if you are waiting for a response from someone you like. You may wonder why he is taking so long. Have you said something stupid? Is he not interested in you anymore?
However, it is easy for anyone to neglect a message for a few days, no matter how interested they are in the sender. Life is hectic! Things get in the way! Maybe he has been distracted by work commitments, a friend’s wedding, or a health issue.
As long as he hasn’t stood you up or stopped responding when you had plans to meet up, it is best to let a one- or two-day period of silence slide.
Simply respond as though his temporary absence is not a problem for you.
Examples:
- Hey! Good morning to you too. How are you?
- Hey, I’m doing well. How has your week been?
How to respond if he hasn’t written back for months
It is almost impossible to know why people ghost.
If a guy doesn’t answer you for months on end and then pops back up in your notifications as though nothing has happened, you should not let it slide so easily.
If you have no interest in him, the best thing to do is simply not to respond at all. Give him a taste of his own medicine!
However, if he really hurt you and you want to let him know how his actions affected you, you should do so.
Example:
- Hey, it’s been months since I wrote you. I honestly think it was a bit rude to disappear on me the way you did. No hard feelings, but I don’t really want to talk to you anymore.
On the other hand, if he writes back after months and apologizes sincerely for ghosting you, you will have to decide whether you believe him. If you genuinely think that he is sorry and that he has a good reason for going dark on you, you could write back a friendly but cautious reply.
Example:
- Hey. I appreciate your apology. I was really hurt when you stopped responding because I really thought we were building something special. I’m open to talking again, but I definitely want to take things slow this time.
Don’t be afraid to let him know how he made you feel, even if you think you might want to start things up again. This will make clear to him that just because you are willing to forgive him once does not mean that his behavior was okay.
How to respond if this is the first time it has happened
If the guy you’re seeing usually shoots back texts rapid fire and then suddenly goes quiet, there is usually a reason for this.
More likely than not, when he does respond he will apologize for the delay and explain himself.
Even if he doesn’t apologize, since it is the first time he has been slow to respond, the best thing to do is to act like it isn’t a big deal. Simply respond as you normally would.
Examples:
- Don’t be silly, no worries at all! How was your weekend?
- Not a problem at all. How have you been since we last talked?
- That’s so fine. I hope you’ve had a good few days?
How to respond if he makes a habit of ignoring your messages
If you notice that the guy you’re talking to seems to take a few days to respond to your messages every time, you might want to hint that it bothers you.
When he finally does respond, you could say something that sends a clear message that you have noticed that he is taking his sweet time responding. This will hopefully make him realize that you would appreciate if he responded more quickly.
Examples:
- Long time no talk. How is it going?
- Hi, you’re alive! What have you been up to?
- Hey there, it’s been a while. How are you?
How to respond if you suspect he is losing interest in you
If a guy was super quick to respond during the early stages of getting to know each other but has been taking a longer and longer time to get back to you since, you may start to feel that he is losing interest in you.
If the tone of his messages has also been cooling off, it is best to be straightforward about your suspicions.
When he finally texts you back, and especially if his response is non-committal or lukewarm, you could let him know that you are picking up on his lack of interest.
There is nothing wrong with being clear about what you want and how you expect to be treated. If he confirms that your suspicions are correct, then you have only sped up the inevitable and saved yourself valuable time.
And if you were wrong and he still wants to talk to you, he will be sure to make more of an effort to show you that he cares in the future.
Examples:
- Hey, I feel like you might be losing interest in talking to me. If so, no hard feelings at all, I would just prefer to know so that I can invest my time elsewhere.
- Hey, I just wanted to check in about where you’re at. I get the feeling you might not be that into talking anymore. If so, no problem. Just let me know so that I know what’s going on.
How to respond if you have been dating for a long time
Of course, if someone doesn’t respond for ages and you have been dating for a while, this is a totally different situation than if someone is being flaky when you are just getting to know them.
You are dating someone to see whether you are compatible as partners.
If you expect a partner to be able to reliably communicate with you on a daily basis, and not to ignore your messages for days at a time, then you should make this clear to the man you are dating.
If he can’t commit to being available to you via text at least once a day, is he really ready to commit to supporting you in other ways?
The best thing to do if he responds to you after ignoring you for several days on end, is to let him know exactly what you’re feeling.
Examples:
- Hey, I’m finding it a bit difficult how hard it is to get ahold of you. It’s not the end of the world, but it would mean a lot if you just sent back a quick reply when I message you.
- Hey, I don’t mean to bug you, but do you think you could get back to me a bit more quickly in the future?
Alternatively, you may want to have this conversation in person.
How to respond if he is your long-term partner
If your long-term partner is a bad texter, you should probably talk to him about it in person.
If he regularly ignores your texts even though you know he will have checked his phone, it is perfectly okay to bring this up.
Most men will be willing to change their ways if you express that it is important to them that you do. After all, you’re supposed to be in this together!
But it is also worth offering to compromise. Tell him you respect that he doesn’t like to be on his phone and will only text him when it is something important.
That way, you both get what you want!
Example:
- I understand that you want your space, and I am happy to give it to you, but it would mean a lot to me if you could respond within a reasonable amount of time when I text.
How to respond if you want to end things
If you feel that someone is consistently failing to respect your time and ignoring your messages, you may feel that it is not worth keeping up the communication any longer.
In this case, when he finally responds after having ghosted you for a little while, let him know you’re calling it off.
Examples:
- Hey, it has been nice getting to know you, but I think we may be looking for different things. I wish you all the best but think it’s probably best if we leave it here.
- Hey, this isn’t really working for me anymore. I need someone who is equally invested in this and can get back to me when I ask them a question. I wish you all the best, but I think we should call things off.
How to respond if he is just really busy
If you know the guy you’re talking to is very busy at the moment, it is best to cut him some slack when it comes to his texting habits. He has no choice but to prioritize other parts of his life at the moment, and that is totally understandable.
Don’t make a big deal of his slow response times. Instead, why not suggest doing someone relaxing together once things have calmed down for him?
However, if he consistently prioritizes other things over your relationship, it is worth having a conversation about this.
If he has persistently ignored your messages and then finally responds, tell him how you feel.
Examples:
- Hey, I totally understand that you’re really busy at the moment, but I’m finding it hard to get even a minute of your time. If you could just be a little quicker with texting me back it would really mean a lot.
- Hey there, busy bee. I know things are hectic for you right now, but I feel a bit like you’re ignoring me…would you mind getting back to me a little more quickly in the future?
Hey, it’s me, Steven. Dating and relationships have always fascinated me. On Dategosu, you will find my best tips to make sure your next date is a great success!